The National Football League began its regular season recently. Its fans need
help. Well, that kind, too, but I meant they need help finding new excuses to
feed their spouses.
So, here is a new tactic: “But, honey, I have to watch the game to increase
my Bible knowledge. After all, its Sunday.”
Maybe your spouse will buy that, given this supporting evidence.
Editors Note: The following is featured as a guest “On Second Thought.”
It was written by Doug Mendenhall, a writer for Religion News Service.
The National Football League began its regular season recently. Its fans need
help. Well, that kind, too, but I meant they need help finding new excuses to
feed their spouses.
So, here is a new tactic: “But, honey, I have to watch the game to increase
my Bible knowledge. After all, its Sunday.”
Maybe your spouse will buy that, given this supporting evidence.
Below are the number of biblical references to each NFL team. I consulted both
New International and King James versions and listed the greater of the two.
They are as follow:
Chiefs, 336. There is not an Indian among them, but lots of priests
and army captains.
Rams, 167. They usually end up dead and burned.
Saints, 98. Romans mentions “Saints, given to hospitality”
– which describes New Orleans usual play.
Lions, 84. David was called Lion of Judah. Today he would have
been an NFL quarterback.
Eagles, 34. They are fast, fierce and enduring – but not kosher.
Chargers, 19. The archaic word in the King James Version means
a fancy bowl or platter, like the one John the Baptists head was served
on in the New Testament.
Giants, 19. They mostly lived in Gath, home of Goliath, a famous
middle linebacker.
Colts, 17. The one Jesus rode into Jerusalem got more cheers than
Indianapolis typically gets in a season, even with young hosses like Edgerrin
James.
Bears, 16. They are usually mean, sometimes deadly.
Ravens, 12. Proverbs warns one will peck out your eyes if you sass
your parents. Good football imagery.
Raiders, 7. They attacked out of Moab every year.
Redskins, 6. Surprised? Part of the Israelites tabernacle
was ram skins dyed red. (They will have to kill the Rams first.)
Steelers, 4. Two passages mention a steel bow broken by strong
hands – a portent of bad things for Kordell Stewarts passing?
Falcons, 3.
Browns, 3. Most of the references are to animals. For example,
Jacob got to sort his father-in-laws herds and keep the spotted ones,
the speckleds and the browns.
Jaguars, 0. If a leopard is close enough, count eight. They are
fast and mean, except when they lie down with the goats – usually about
midway through the playoffs.
Texans, 0. If the Houston expansion team had taken the traditional
franchise name, it could have racked up 203 references to oil and moved ahead
of the Rams on this list. Having lived in that state, I imagine many Texans
are shocked to learn that the Bible does not mention them.
Titans, 0. If this team had kept the name it had in Houston …
Cowboys, 0. They are yet another Texas team the Bible pointedly
does not mention.
Other zeroes: Patriots (change to New England Zealots, get four
references), Dolphins (nor porpoises), Bills (nor buffalo), Jets (but four biblical
names begin with J-e-t), Bengals (nor generic tigers), Broncos (but
plenty of horses), Cardinals (nor red birds), Seahawks (but three hawks), 49ers,
Packers, Vikings, Panthers, Buccaneers.
During halftime and beer commercials, pull out the Bible and
check my scoring.
Maybe you will learn something.