Everyone agrees – he preaches with the fervor of a prophet, and she sings
like an angel.
Together, they are so dynamic that it is difficult to believe they have each
experienced a bitter divorce and custody battle – with each other.
Everyone agrees – he preaches with the fervor of a prophet, and she sings
like an angel.
Together, they are so dynamic that it is difficult to believe they have each
experienced a bitter divorce and custody battle – with each other.
On the outside, the Forehand family once seemed perfect. Dale was a successful
businessman, a deacon at First Baptist Church of Trussville, Ala., and a Sunday
School teacher. Jena was an accomplished soloist who immersed herself in choir
activities and raising two children, Cole and Jorja.
However, on the inside, the Forehands marriage was dying.
Married couples “are looking to their spouses with unrealistic expectations,
so they get very disappointed when these are not met,” Dale Forehand says,
looking back.
This disappointment often leads to a demand that needs be met by a spouse,
he says. When this does not happen, the spouses feel defeated, and many quit.
Dale Forehand knows the defeat all too well. In July 1996, he packed his wifes
bags and told her to leave their home. What ensued the next 15 months was a
showdown in court for custody of the couples two children, with each parent
seeking full rights.
Jena Forehand says she was not shocked her husband asked her to leave their
home.
“The anger had risen to a high point,” she explains. “We had
gotten so angry and tired.”
While waiting for the court date, the Forehands lived in separate rooms in
the same home, which they agree was a prison.
The day finally arrived when they would bring their battle to the court. In
the end, they were given joint custody. Both say they left the room feeling
destroyed.
Then, the unbelievable happened.
Four months after the court battle, Jena Forehand called her husband, and an
argument started. But instead of fighting, Jena Forehand asked her husband to
come get her so they could repair their relationship.
“I chose to reveal myself that day so that Dale could briefly peek into
my heart,” she explains. “I think it was the Holy Spirit speaking
through me.”
Jena Forehand says couples get to a point where they are stripped to their
bare souls when experiencing struggles.
“We had such intense pain and hurt from each other, and the thought of
continuing this relationship was devastating,” she notes.
However, she also says she believes God allowed the experience to happen because
it forced each person to look inward.
“I had to look at what things in my life did not reflect Jesus,”
Jena Forehand says.
In 1997, Dale and Jena Forehand were remarried. Symbolizing the beginning of
a new marriage with a remembrance of the first, they took the original stone
from her wedding ring and put it in a new setting.
That day, Cole Forehand told his parents he wanted to know Christ as his personal
Lord and savior. The couple prayed together for the salvation of their son.
“We have learned and continue to learn to find our fulfillment, need and
satisfaction in a deep relationship with Christ,” Jena Forehand says. “It
is out of this relationship we have something to give to our spouses.”
Dale Forehand says a “stained-glass marriage” gave birth to Stained
Glass Ministries, their joint ministry. The name is adapted from a song about
an old stained-glass window in the attic of a church that is brought out, cleaned
up and placed back in the light.
“As I listened to this song, it was our story,” Dale Forehand says.
“Our first marriage had become dirty and dusty, full of pains and stains,
but when the grace of God moved in our hearts and his light shone through, what
a beautiful work of art we had just experienced.”
It was Valentines Day in 1998 when Dale and Jena Forehand first told
the world of their experience.
“As God burned that entire experience in our hearts, we knew, then, the
scripture that spoke of what man had intended for evil (and) God had turned
for good,” Dale Forehand emphasizes.
Today, Dale and Jena Forehand lead marriage conferences and speak across the
country. They also have written a book titled “Stained Glass Marriage.”
The Forehands say it is important to share their story. Indeed, Dale Forehand
recently left his career in property management to devote his full time to the
ministry.
“Too many folks sitting in the pew are wearing masks, afraid to be real,
share their struggles and ask for help,” he says.
“We have bought into the lie that if you are a Christian, you are supposed
to be perfect,” he adds. “If this were true, we would not need Jesus.”
The best advice Dale and Jena Forehand offer to couples planning to marry is
extensive premarital counseling.
“Let (Gods) character become yours,” Dale Forehand urges. “Then,
flesh that out with the ones you love.” (ABP)