“Free Offer!”
This usually means if you buy a few hundred dollars worth of stuff, you
get a piece of cheap junk free, if you pay the postage.
But this “Free Offer!” is on the back of a breakfast cereal box,
so it merits close scrutiny.
“Free Offer!”
This usually means if you buy a few hundred dollars worth of stuff, you
get a piece of cheap junk free, if you pay the postage.
But this “Free Offer!” is on the back of a breakfast cereal box,
so it merits close scrutiny.
Sitting here at the kitchen table, reading the back of a cereal box takes me
back to my seventh year of life. The cereal box promised a magic decoding ring
with a secret compartment: “Hide secrets from all your friends.”
“Mother, can I order one of these?” I pleaded. We understood ordering.
That was the way we got most of our stuff in this tiny town almost lost on the
flat plains of West Texas. Had it not been for Sears and Wards,
the abundance of the world would have been unknown to us.
She paused in her housecleaning chores to give the offer a glance. “How
are you going to get the quarter
(for postage)?”
“Ill save the pennies from the movie.” We receive ten cents
for doing our Saturday chores and the movie only costs nine cents, leaving a
penny to spend on riotous living.
“Okay,” she signed off. She promised to save the box for me when
it was empty.
I saved the pennies, and ordered the ring. By the time I saved the pennies
and the ring finally arrived, I was almost a year older almost too old
to be wowed by the ring. But it was still a joyful day when Mother greeted me
after school with, “Lynn something came for you in the mail.”
I ran full speed the four steps to the small brown paper wrapped box. Ripping
it open exposed the super fantastic ring. It had everything promised
sorta. It was so big only my thumb would bear it, even after pushing the “one
size fits all” adjustment.
My friends were less than bedazzled by the super secret decoding ring. “Yeah,
I got one of those last year. Do you want me to show you the secret compartment?”
As best I remember, I lost the ring in the sandpile the next day.
I kept reading the back of cereal boxes, but I could never get the pennies
together to accept any of the other offers.
Maybe thats why I decide on this morning to act on this “Free Offer!”
I secretly save the proof of purchases to order the “Official Illuminating
Olympic Watch/Stop Watch/Alarm Clock” in the drawer with U.S. Passports
and other documents. The envelope is slipped into the corner mailbox.
Weeks later, the wife calls from the mailbox, “Are you expecting a package
from Kelloggs?” Having slept since slipping the envelope into the
mail, I call back, “No.”
“What is this?” she asks, displaying a plastic encased wristwatch
attached to the cheapest looking plastic band.
Flashback. The “Free Offer!” “Oh, thats just a little
something . . . I thought the grandson might like.”
She looks at me with a note of question. “Well, why dont you get
acquainted with it . . . so you can show him how it works.”
I act disinterested, until she leaves the house. It does everything they say.
Inside the dark closet, the light does come on when you push the right button.
You cant see the time when it comes on, but it does come on. Im
seven again, but this time, I will not show my “Free Offer” to anyone
who might already have one.
Some things in life are just fun. We would all be at least a little happier
if from time to time we unlock the small child within us and let him/her romp
for a little while. There is nothing wrong with that. Jesus even said we must
become as little children to enter His kingdom. Relax. Have some fun, write
for cereal box “Free Offer!” and do not feel guilty about it. Just
do not tell anyone.
By the way, let my grandson get his own “Free Offer.”