Planning and shopping for the holidays can be stressful enough on its own,
but coping with holiday festivities after a loss or traumatic event can be overwhelming.
Planning and shopping for the holidays can be stressful enough on its own,
but coping with holiday festivities after a loss or traumatic event can be overwhelming.
Sights, sounds and smells of the holidays can trigger memories of a person
who died, a past job or past family gatherings.
Keeping family traditions may seem impossible, but getting through the holidays
is part of the process of recovery.
How can persons survive the holiday season when they literally do not feel
like celebrating anything?
How can persons help children through the grieving process when they are not
sure of the journey themselves?
In his book, “Decembered Grief,” Harold Ivan Smith gives tips to
surviving holidays when one does not feel like celebrating.
They include:
Anticipate the holidays.
Approach the holidays with determination to treasure the memory of a loved
one. Writing a letter to the deceased loved one allows a person to express feelings
about the persons absence. Making a scrapbook helps one focus on important
memories and also helps preserve photographs, newspaper clippings and other
valuable items.
Maintain routines.
Children have great expectations at Christmas, and they need to know that life
continues even after a major loss. Maintaining routines and giving lots of hugs
and reassurance will bring feelings of security.
Involve children in making plans.
Allow them to express their needs and wishes. In situations of divorce, children
will be anxious about where they will spend Christmas, how and when presents
will be opened and whether they will be visiting grandparents as they have done
in the past.
Alter traditions.
One may be tempted to forget past family traditions altogether. Consider altering
them instead. Give oneself permission to create new traditions. Involve and
take suggestions from children, but also realize that one may experience anger
that traditions and celebrations have been altered.
Appreciate grief.
Recognize that grief will be a reality and give oneself permission to cry,
even at unexpected times. Schedule time alone if necessary. Ecclesiastes 3:4
assures persons that there is a time for weeping and mourning. And remember
– it is okay to let children see one cry.
Acknowledge God.
Grief was not unknown to Jesus Christ. He grieved the death of John the Baptist
(Matthew 14:13) and wept at the death of Lazarus (John 11:35).
Even in sorrow, hope is alive for Christians, Smith and others insist.
Indeed, 1 Thessalonians 4:13 reminds persons that Christians are not “to
grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” Through hope in Jesus Christ,
sorrow will not go on forever, the Bible affirms.
Even though Christians are not protected from sorrow, God will show compassion
(Lamentations 3:32-33). Prayer also provides a place to acknowledge ones
fears, sadness and loneliness to God. God will comfort one as a mother comforts
her child (Isaiah 66:13).
So, this Christmas, for those searching for hope in their sorrow, find a nativity
scene and ponder Marys expression as she cradles her newborn son. Then,
rejoice that God is cradling and comforting one in the same loving way.
That is something to celebrate! (BP)
(Adapted from the article, “Surviving the Holidays?” in the December
2003 issue ParentLife, a magazine published by LifeWay Christian Resources of
the Southern Baptist Convention. Subscription information can be obtained by
e-mailing subscribe@lifeway.com or
calling customer service at 800-458-2772.)