By Kelly Boggs, Message Editor
Criticism is an unavoidable reality for anyone in a position of leadership. “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing,” observed American writer Elbert Hubbard.
It is not an option for a leader to do, say and be nothing. As a result, throughout the ages those who have accepted the mantle of leadership have had to, at one time or another, experience the assessment of a critic.
Sometimes the criticism is just and, as such, becomes a tool to help shape character which produces a more effective leader. Other times criticism can be unfounded and a leader has to learn how respond without becoming bitter.
The Bible is filled with leaders who faced both just and unjust criticism. Moses comes immediately to mind, as does the Apostle Paul. These men were given difficult leadership tasks and sought to be faithful to the Lord. Even so, they were the targets of intense criticism.
J. Floyd Franks, the pastor of Memorial Baptist Church in Killeen, Texas, for more than 30 years, was one of my mentors. He taught me to keep things in perspective when it came to dealing with critics. He would say, “When criticism and praise affect you the same way, then – and only then – are you free.”
My mentor’s wisdom is echoed by Bill Cosby who is credited with saying, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” Legendary basketball coach John Wooden said it this way, “You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one.”
Criticism in the age of the Internet has taken on a new dimension. Critics no longer have to write a letter in order to share their assassment. They no longer have to make endless phone calls questioning a leader’s decision, character, motive, etc… Today all a critic has to do is take to social media and his or her criticism is aired for the world to see.
Today many people choose the avenue of weblogs, Facebook and Twitter to air their complaints and disappointments of those in leadership positions. Pastors, parents, teachers, business leaders large and small have all had to face a critic’s ire or disappointment shared on social media.
The key issue for a leader is how do you respond to criticism that is leveled via social media? There is no easy answer. I have learned the hard way what not to do, but I do not know if I have discovered the best way to respond to Internet critics.
One thing I do believe is that most issues of substance, especially criticism, are not best resolved in the open forum of social media. Also, it is my observation that conversations on social media are time-consuming and seem to never end. Once you engage, it is hard to get out. And if you finally do give up, the critic many times declares a victory.
Wading through criticism is not about winning or losing. Many times it’s about understanding.
I understand one role of a leader is to make decisions. So, even though I may not like a particular decision a leader has made, I can still respect the process and the position.
I recently became the subject of criticism via a weblog. I thoughtfully prayed and pondered how I should respond. Some say the best way to handle criticism is to ignore it. When the vehicle for the criticism is social media, it is almost impossible to do nothing.
Quite a few people have contacted me saying they appreciate the response. I was told that it was something they would consider if, and when, they are ever criticized via social media.
My response is following and shared in the hope it will be found helpful.
The response:
At the outset of this response, let me say that I do not have the inclination nor the time to become involved in a point-counterpoint exchange on this or any other blog.
I, like many of you, are extremely busy with professional and personal responsibilities. Hence, I am going to make my comments and allow any of you who so desire to contact me. I do not plan to return to play rhetorical ping-pong on a blog.
When it comes to responding to any type of criticism and questioning of motive/s, I learned long ago from very wise mentors that to respond in public fashion is usually not only fruitless, it is also an exercise in futility. Why? Because to those who have already made up their minds no explanation will suffice.
I will also predict that this very response will be critiqued as to its sincerity and motive. Sometimes you just can’t win.
One book in my library has some very wise words for responding to criticism, especially for those in the ministry. The book is titled Rediscovering Pastoral Ministry and was written by John MacArthur, Jr. (prolific author and pastor of Grace Community Church located in Sun Valley, Ca.) and The Master’s Seminary faculty. While the book is a treasure trove of practical information, the counsel concerning criticism is found in a section titled “Answering Frequently Asked Questions.”
The question posed is: “Every church and its pastor has his [sic] critics. How do you live with your critics?”
The answer given by MacArthur begins on page 371 and is as follows:
“First of all, I check my life to see if the criticism is valid. If not, I affirm that I am privileged to render my service to the Lord, not men. I have to live in I Corinthians 4 where Paul said in effect, ‘It’s a small thing what men say of me.’ He was criticized mercilessly, particularly by the people in Corinth, yet he could respond by saying, ‘I don’t really care what they say about me. I do care what they say about my Lord and about His truth – but it’s a small thing what men say of me.’ He also affirmed that he was the chief sinner. I try to follow that pattern and say, ‘It really doesn’t matter what people think, and I’m certainly not worth defending. I may have been accused falsely of something, but there is certainly sin in my life somewhere that my accusers didn’t even know about.’
“We have to wait and let the Lord judge us. I have to be faithful to the Lord and not worry about reputation, and not take criticism personally – getting my ego involved. I have learned that whenever an unjust criticism comes, I thank the Lord for using it to humble and refine me. I commit myself to the faithful care of my Creator as Jesus committed Himself to His Father. Let God defend me if I am worthy of defending. I will defend the truth, I will defend Christ, I will defend the Bible, but I am not going to defend John MacArthur. Whenever someone criticizes me, I would rather just say, “Pray for me. Thank you for caring enough to share your concern. I want to be all that God wants me to be.”
The aforementioned are wise words from a seasoned minister who operates very much in the public eye.
I have longed believed the best way to handle disagreements, points of contentions, etc… is to do so person to person. I prefer to sit down and discuss a matter with someone. I will drive across the state to take someone to lunch for the purpose of discussing even the slightest difference. I think, no matter the outcome, it is time well invested.
Because I would rather speak to someone than play rhetorical tag on a blog, I invite any of you to call and discuss any of the issues related to the current situation at LC.
I can’t promise lunch in every case, but I will listen to you and respond honestly.
I am not saying you will like my explanations and I am not saying you will agree with me. However, we will have had the benefit of speaking to one another.
Before I give out my cell phone number, there a few conditions:
1. Our conversation is to be considered private. To me, off the record is off the record.
2. I would ask that if you call, please do so after 7 a.m. and before 5 p.m. Also, please do not call on the weekend. Additionally, if you call between 7 a.m. and noon on Friday, please leave a message. I write with a noon deadline each Friday.
3. Please no texting. While I text my family short notes, I find a conversation via text, at best, tedious
If you would like to call me, please do at 318.442.7728 [On the blog I gave my cell phone number, but here I offer my office number.]
Have a grace-filled day.
Kelly Boggs
End of the online post.
If you are a leader, it is likely you will one day find yourself being criticized via social media. When that happens, be prayerful and take care to not rush in where angels fear to tread.