By Diana Chandler, Regional Reporter
NEW ORLEANS – “I’m a survivor,” Mary Rose Washington said during audience feedback at the recent “No Greater Love Conference” on domestic violence and sexual assault at Franklin Avenue Baptist Church.
Women and men in the morning session joined Washington in praise, some echoing her proclamation.
[img_assist|nid=6528|title=Teens, Single Adults, Men, Women, Couples and Friendships were targeted by the No Greater Love Conference.|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=100|height=67]Rochelle Head-Dunham, a psychiatrist with the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals, had just finished talking to the group of 25 adults on the facts and myths of domestic violence, part of Franklin Avenue’s first such outreach, with sessions targeting teenagers, single adults, men, women, couples and friendships.
“The illness is in the perpetrator. The victim is never to blame,” Head-Dunham said.
She cautioned victims not to remain in situations of abuse, whether physical or psychological.
“Don’t get it twisted. This has nothing to do with God, this whole notion of staying in a [violent] marriage,” the psychiatrist said. “I’m a Christian. I absolutely believe in prayer. Pray and do, ’cause faith without works is dead.”
Washington, identifying herself as a survivor, was one of 100 or so in attendance at the one-day event. Washington said she survived her volatile 23-year marriage through prayer, cunning and common sense, leaving three times before her husband changed.
“I loved my husband and I believe he loved me. So I constantly prayed,” she said, adding that she never kept the abuse a secret and sought professional advice.
Washington said she protected herself by learning her husband’s behavior and removing herself from dangerous settings, such as kitchens with knives, whenever her husband would become violent, and exaggerating the pain of his blows.
“If he hit me one time I would act like I was dying,” Washington said. “If I’d felt that my life was in danger I wouldn’t have stayed.”
She left three times, always returning.
“He said, ‘I’ll kill you before I let you go,’ “ she said. “The first time I told him I was going to leave him, he took a gun and put it to my head.”
Washington’s breakthrough occurred in 1985, nearly halfway through her marriage, when her husband suffered a brain abscess and nearly died. At that time, her three daughters were ages 15, nine and five.
Washington stayed with her husband through his recovery and watched him began to serve the Lord and become an active Christian until his death in 1995.
“I asked God to remove the abuse. When God removed the abuse was when he got sick, because he was no longer able to do those things he used to do,” Washington said. “God changed him.”
Frances Ventress, Franklin Avenue’s Holistic Health Ministry leader, planned the event to address problems Christians face while trying to live holy lives.
She described domestic violence as an obvious community health issue.
“Just driving on the streets of New Orleans, you see it on the streets,” Ventress said. “We want them to know: you’re not in this by yourself.”
The free conference provided education, advice, resources for change and deliverance, and fellowship.
“The church should be there to help people with all problems they face in life,” said Franklin Avenue Pastor Fred Luter. “We really think this is an issue people are facing. Unfortunately a lot of people don’t say anything about it.”
When faced with the issue, Luter makes sure the victim is moved to a safe environment and receives any immediate help needed, and offers counseling to all parties involved.
“As a pastor, I’ve never recommended divorce,” he said. “As a pastor, I’ll leave that decision up to them.”
His wife Elizabeth Luter, in a session designed for teenage girls, encouraged young ladies to protect their hearts and get to know God now.
“We have an insensitivity to God’s creation. It is very possible to have someone love you but still beat you. So we tell you to get out,” she said.”Save your heart. Give it to the one God has designed for you.”
Vanessa County, a congregational wellness program manager for the McFarland Institute, said abusive behavior can be unlearned through prayer and professional help. County led a conference session on dating violence.
Statistically, half of reported date rapes occur among teenagers and a fifth of high school students report begin physically or sexually abused by a dating partner, County said.
She cautioned teenagers to never put themselves in compromising positions and to always share their fears with someone who has the power to help, such as law enforcement officials.
“I have a secret weapon. Not only prayer, but the promises in the word of God,” County said. “What we have to do is make confession concerning those promises in the word of God.”
Complaints of domestic violence rose in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and will likely increase as coastal families deal with the British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, said Franklin member Vera King, an advanced practice registered nurse who led a session on intimate partner violence, described as physical, sexual or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.
“A lot of people in the community are hurting. It’s happening in the church too, but people aren’t willing to talk about it,” King said. “We have to be more diligent as members of the body of Christ. If someone comes to you, keep it confidential and refer the person” to the church pastors and law enforcement officials.
Resources
Louisiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence: www.lcadv.org, 225-752-1296;
Louisiana Domestic Violence 24-hour hot line: 1-888-411-1333;
National Domestic Violence hot line: 1-800-799-7233;
Emergencies: 911