It is difficult for us to grasp and accept the fact that the evil of child sexual abuse exists in our midst — it is even more difficult to accept the prospect that it is prevalent today — yet that is what the statistics are showing. Consider the following reports:
It is difficult for us to grasp and accept the fact that the evil of child sexual abuse exists in our midst — it is even more difficult to accept the prospect that it is prevalent today — yet that is what the statistics are showing. Consider the following reports:
“It is estimated that one in three girls and one in six boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before they are eighteen years old” (U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, 1993).
“The typical child sex offender molests an average of 117 children, most of whom do not report the offense” (National Institute of Mental Health, 1988).
Research indicates that most child sexual abuse takes place in the home, but news reports constantly remind us that such abuse can even be found in churches, and that even some pastors and church leaders have been found guilty of the offense.
This is especially egregious because the violation has taken place at the hands of those who are entrusted with the responsibility to lead and protect the sheep. It is particularly abominable when the protector becomes the predator. It fulfills the warning of Jude 4: For certain men, who were designated for this judgment long ago, have come in by stealth; they are ungodly, turning the grace of our God into promiscuity and denying our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ. This verse clearly warns of evil men coming into the church and committing sexual sin — and then using the beautiful gift of God’s grace as an excuse or license to commit one sexual sin after another.
Therefore, we are faced with this question: “How do we as believers deal with this sin?” Here are five essentials steps we must take if we are to ever succeed in confronting and removing this cancer from our churches. We must stop denying the sin, excusing the sin, minimizing the sin, breaking the law, and hurting the victims.
Tragically, when we deny the sin, it enables offenders to continue in their sin and further intimidates victims into not speaking up. They fear no one will believe them.
Once believers are confronted with the evidence of this sin and they are no longer able to deny it, they may be tempted to excuse the behavior. This is especially true when the offenders are prominent members, or even leaders in their churches. Their flawed reasoning holds that because the accused leaders have done so much good for the church, they should be excused.
On the other hand, some Christians will overlook the behavior because of the potential consequences of dealing with this sin, such as scandal, embarrassment, loss of revenue, civil lawsuits, and criminal punishment. Some even claim that they are concerned that exposing such sin will bring reproach upon the name of Christ. However, it is this very sin, and the failure to address it biblically, that brings shame to the name of Christ, not exposing it.
As hard as it is to believe, many offenders who claim to be Christians will blame God for their vile behavior. They say “God made me this way” or “God gave me these desires.”
In each of these, the assumption is that because of various external circumstances, their actions are understandable and excusable — but that reasoning will never stand up before God.
Excusing sexual abuse is neither loving nor forgiving. We must quit making excuses and start holding offenders accountable. 1 Corinthians 5:11-12 teaches that we are to judge those who are within.
When an offender or church is confronted with the evidence of this sin, and when the sin can no longer be denied or excused, the abuser may attempt to minimize his sin and convince others that it is not really as bad as it appears. Abusers will often say things like: “We had an affair” or “We had an incestuous relationship,” as if their abhorrent desires were shared mutually between offender and victim. In their perverted minds, they somehow convince themselves that this is not rape or molestation, but rather a mutual relationship. No! Sexually abusing a child is sin — it is the rape and molestation of children, it is filthy and vile, and the church needs to recognize it as such.
Every week our ministry receives new reports from victims that are harmed by this sin. One such report was from a woman who, as a fifteen-year-old pastor’s daughter, was raped by a guest speaker who was staying in their home. He threatened her, telling her that terrible things would happen to her parents if she told, so she kept her secret. But for years she thought she would go to hell because of what her abuser had done to her. Another victim shared that as a young child she was raped and molested for many years by her father. In her heart-wrenching testimony, she tried to describe her feelings of guilt and pain and how she thought others could smell the dirt on her. It’s odd that victims seem to feel the guilt and the shame while the offenders seem to go on with their lives as if nothing is wrong.
What these criminals are doing to the victims destroys them emotionally, inflicting emotional injury that will last the rest of their lives. It not only devastates the lives of the victims, it does untold harm to the victims’ relationships with their future spouses and children. There is nothing that could ever be presented that should allow an abuser — or the church — to minimize this sin.
Churches need to realize and remember that this sin is also a criminal offense — therefore, we have a moral, biblical, and legal obligation to treat it as such.
When it comes to addressing this sin, churches too often are reluctant to turn the offenders over to the law. They often have a misunderstanding of grace and justice, believing that it is unloving or unforgiving to hold an offender accountable before the law. For some reason, many conclude that somehow justice is wrong.
Proverbs 18:5 says: It is not good to be partial to the wicked or deprive the innocent of justice, and Proverbs 17:15 says: Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent — the Lord detests them both (NIV).
The Lord is clear in His expectations. Yes, we need to offer offenders love and forgiveness, but we must realize that forgiveness and love do not eliminate the consequences of the sin. The devastation that is heaped upon the victims of this sin is not erased merely by a simple “I am sorry,” nor are the legal and personal debts of an offender satisfied with an apology.
One of the things we have personally experienced, and have seen many others go through, is that when victims come forward, they do not find love and support from their church and family members. Many will respond with disbelief or assert that the victim needs to “forgive and forget.” While it is true that we need to be able to forgive, much of the time when victims are told to forgive and forget, what is being said is: “You need to be quiet.” Because the church and the family do not want to be embarrassed, inconvenienced, or forced to deal with a situation that makes them uncomfortable, the easiest thing to do is to pressure the victim to be quiet. This causes unimaginable damage and pain to the victim.
In the book Invisible Girls, Dr. Patti Feuereisen states that the most important factor in victims’ healing is telling their story. When we tell a victim of sexual abuse to be quiet or we encourage them to suppress their story, essentially what we are telling them is that they do not matter, and what they have gone through is not serious enough for us to deal with. We devalue them as a person and as a child of God. When we do this, in effect we are reinforcing the abuse that they experienced at the hands of their offenders.