Had I known how stressful this week was going to be, I might have
tried to skip it. The frustration and aggravation and inconvenience were almost
too much.
Had I known how stressful this week was going to be, I might have
tried to skip it. The frustration and aggravation and inconvenience were almost
too much.
The week itself had been no more or less stressful than most any normal week,
but the absence of the stress reliever compounded all other stresses. Normally,
a man can come home filled with job-related stress, and with only five minutes
with this marvelous mechanism, he can feel together, almost at peace, in control.
This apparatus at first distracts one’s mind, then absorbs the mind, then
takes one’s mind into the numbness and oblivion of control. With the aid
of this small piece of equipment, one can be in touch with the world, the past,
what is going on at this moment and sometimes even the future. What most men
learn, we learn with the aid of this piece of equipment. Actually, this is one
of the reasons men know so much – not to be chauvinistic.
So losing it – rather, having someone else lose it – or
misplacing it even momentarily causes immediate anxiety. Just when you need
it the most, it is not there, and the expected moment of relief becomes one
of compounded anxiety.
As long as one has it and it is functioning, life is better. Needing it and
having it missing is like needing a drink of cool water and getting a glass
of hot sand instead.
I developed a coping routine. Upon awaking, as the remembrance of my loss grew,
I walked through the house, looking carefully under every piece of furniture.
Every pillow and cushion was lifted and the area where it rested carefully examined.
Every throw rug was scrutinized for a telltale hump or bump. The bottom of every
chair was examined and the hand run carefully behind and in those joints under
the cushions. Every cabinet was opened, and every drawer pulled out.
Everyone in the house is asked, “Are you suurrrre you haven’t seen
it? You haven’t done anything with it?”
This is not panic, but it certainly is near panic.
Oh, sure, I can function without it. It just takes a lot of inconvenience,
a lot of unnecessary effort, a lot of wondering and a real feeling of loss of
control.
Women never understand this kind of thing. They fuss about it and even get
up and leave the room when men are using it, but when they have it, they use
it. They just resent the control thing when the man has it. I suspect that while
Leah did not lose it, she is glad it is gone, and she is not doing her part
in tying to find it. Passive control. A woman would never admit it, but I think
that is what it is – passive control.
By the end of the week, I am going through the closets, looking in every pocket
of every pair of pants – hers and mine – searching the pockets
of every coat. I find a lot of other things I thought had been gone from the
face of the earth.
I confess, near the end of the week, I made veiled accusations: “I will
not be angry if you will just tell me you have hidden it. Just tell me where
it is, and all is forgiven.” “Do you think it could have been accidentally
thrown away?” “You don’t think you could have accidentally taken
it to your office, do you?”
I found it. I must have overlooked where it was a thousand times. I had opened
the sleeper sofa at least three times, knowing it could have fallen down there,
but I never saw it. This time, I searched the seams of the sofa and it was lodged
in one of those little pockets of stitches and seams.
Happy day, oh, happy day.
“Okay, don’t wear it out,” the little woman warns.
“I know, I know. I’m just seeing if I can still watch 46 programs
at a time. I think I am getting back into the groove.”
She leaves the room.
Jesus talked about losing far more important things … like coins and sheep.
He talked about common experiences of losing things to help us realize the significant
loss of people. People who are not committed to him are lost to him. He tells
us if we search for things that are of lesser importance, we certainly must
search diligently for lost people. It is okay to search for lost things, if